Decisions, Decisions…we are bombarded with them daily from the monumental to the inconsequential. When you really stop and think about it, our life is shaped by (and ultimately a series of) choices that we have made to get to where we are today- from the city we choose to live in, the school we attended, the career path we’ve pursued, how much we allocate to our hobbies or working out in a month, the person we call our significant other, the friends we have decided to associate with and in many cases the timing in which we wish to incorporate the more significant events of life such as: when to get married, plan to start trying for a family, the timing of finally turning that hobby or passion project into a full-blown business and everything else in between.
One thing is for sure, in this lifetime we will all experience the feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, confusion, stress or fear at times along with the opposite feelings of possibility that surround it like excitement and anticipation, all of which are components of decision making. My goal for today’s post is to get you thinking about how to make better decisions for your own life. I hope your eyes will be opened up to new ideas and tactics that will assist you as you make your most important life decisions so that you’re armed with the confidence and conviction to decide without wavering or second guessing yourself, nor experiencing feelings of regret long after your choices have been made.
I vividly remember making one of the hardest decisions that I’ve ever been faced with…the decision to leave my marriage of nearly 10 years, something I did not take lightly especially with a two-year-old to consider. It was something that I contemplated on a few different occasions due to certain patterns observed over the years, behaviors, and the loneliness that I often felt as we lived apart many times while he traveled overseas along with lack of partnership. I could also see its impact on my sweet little girl and if I wanted her to experience a different and better life, I knew it was up to me to make the bold move so she we could both experience the joy and fullness that life has to offer. If I’m really honest with myself, my gut told me something wasn’t quite right the first month following our wedding. I initially disregarded my gut instincts and instead forged ahead making the best of not only a less than ideal situation and relationship, but also dishonored myself and tolerated so many things that I never would have nor did while dating anyone. If I had experienced such things earlier in time, I would never have made such a serious commitment. However, because of that promise and feeling a certain level of shame in not being able to ‘make it work’, I stayed. I’m grateful to have my beautiful daughter as a result, so not all was lost, there was a purpose for that season of my life.
If you’ve followed along here for a while, you may have wondered why family posts and life shares came to a grinding halt a few years ago in 2016 both here as well as on social media, it was the year I was faced with reliving my own childhood as I contemplated life as not only a single woman after a decade or being married but also become *gasp* a single mom, following in the footsteps of my own mother. I have sooo much respect for every single mama out there (and I developed a new found admiration for mine), ladies it is hard! After our many conversations I considered her life lessons, regrets and advice. I was also very grateful to have her full support no matter what I decided. Although her and my father’s situation, experiences and reasons were entirely different from my own in parting ways, I gained insight from the many conversations she and I had. While I have a wonderful relationship with my mom, I also have an amazingly close relationship with my father and I am eternally grateful for his love and support as he was instrumental in our move to the west coast, I’m thankful to now be living just minutes away from him here in the Bay Area! While I listened to the advice of loved ones along, spent time in prayer and quiet reflection, considered both sides of my decision, read relevant books and sought out wise counsel, what I finally realized I needed the most was to listen to my heart and my gut instinct, to stop drowning out the feelings I felt for so long and truly embrace what I knew I needed to do.
I want to break down the methods I personally use while making decisions because nearly 3 years after taking that big step which included moving across the country, what I know for sure is that although difficult, I felt complete confidence in myself and my decisions which allowed me to squash any fear and instead focus all of my energy and time on the positive: my next steps, the bright future for my daughter and I which I’m currently living out today. And in case you’re wondering….in the process of learning the art of better decision making and staying true to myself, at the right time I ended up meeting the most incredible man- my sweetie Byron who is such an awesome, ever-present and loving daddy to our sweet princess, they have built such a beautiful relationship together and it’s so precious to see the way she adores him (you can see some of our family adventures on instagram).
I’d love to know what strategies you use while facing difficult decisions. What was one of the most challenging ones you’ve had to make?